i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
