sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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