I'm eating all of the evidence.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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