he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
