Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
