Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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