So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
