I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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