the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
