The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
