id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
