ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
