M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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