Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize