The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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