Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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