4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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