i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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