the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
