There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
