Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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