either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
