I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
