we're making bets on your personal life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
