My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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