she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
