Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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