And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
