there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
