We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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