Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize