i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
