girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
