You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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