So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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