So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
