Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
