the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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