Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
