do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
