i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
