I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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