Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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