Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
