You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
