Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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