Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
