I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
