Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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