WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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