Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
