I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
