I must be too annoying 4 u.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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