her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
