don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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