He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
