My sheets look like a crime scene.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
