soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
