you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
