What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
