I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
