yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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