i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
