It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
