Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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