I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
