im about as happy as oj after his trial
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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