U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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