my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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