she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
