I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
