I wish you could order shots online.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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