My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
