i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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