Me too!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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